I dreamt of zombies again today! Just that in the end i have no idea why i ended up 'protecting' you at your house! HAHA!
Monday, December 14, 2009,10:49 PM
And so life has been a roller coaster ride for the past few days. I stayed out 3 out of 4 days, meaning i haven't been sleeping on my dear bed and pillow. Awww, don't they miss me?
I spent Friday night hanging out at a bar with zhiyi, kim and two other friends before i went to meet Manda, wl and tauyong. I swear i have no idea why the beer made me reeked of alcohol so bad, i did not even drink a lot. And we caught 2012 at 1.45 in the morning. Finished the movie like 2 hours plus later and i practically stoned because of my freaking headache and i needed sleep badly. Okay, i didn't even managed to make it home, i knocked out at amanda's place.
I also remember going to tanning and getting caught in the rain a large part of the time. Reached at 4 or so, put out the mat, sat down, and it started drizzling and then pouring. Thank god the sky cleared shortly after if not i would have froze to death! There was also this golden retrieval who ran and pounced on us, making us all wet again.
I've been seeing zhiyi so much that i am not used to not seeing her yesterday and today!
And school today. And i have no idea what i'm supposed to type already. And i am getting sleepy again!
And i always get that feeling whenever i see or think of you.
Saturday, December 12, 2009,4:40 PM
Tell me of a place to go where i can scream and shout it all out, scold myself till i had enough and then accept whatever reality is now.
I so don't wish to be alive at all. Now.
Because a tainted life is a wasted life.
Thursday, December 10, 2009,10:20 AM
Caught in a state of confusion and i've said things i do not mean.
Caught in a state of panic and i've lied about things to cover it up. But lies lead to more lies, chances given lead to more chances lost.
I've always thought if things are put to an end and if i treasure this fresh start things would turn out alright. Now i understand that there is no way we could leave our past behind us, no way that we can undo mistakes. I thought the best way is to keep mum and we could undo that mistake, never did i realize that the way thing to do is to own up to my mistakes when i was given a chance to do so. You were right, i'm selfish because i want to hide what has happened from you. I'm selfish to think that as long as you do not know about it for a minute, i could be with you for another minute.
Well, i've lost you but on the good side, if nothing was found out i would still be living in lies, not knowing how or when to tell you the truth. To be honest i really wanted to say it, but it's really not easy. I am sorry.
Just so you know, i've never stopped loving you.
Tuesday, December 01, 2009,9:28 PM
You're gonna touch down to Singapore in about 12 hours. Yet I don't know how I should be feeling. It's like we're taking a gamble, we're either gonna work things out or we don't. My eye is itchyyyyyyy!
the medication is making me so tired and drowsy and making my whole mouth so bitter
